To whom it may concern:

For those times when one profanity just isn't enough

Turns out two wrongs DO make a right.

Not all that bad

When work is crazy, when I get down on myself about any one of my numerous vices, or when everything seems just a little too overwhelming. Where do I go when a need a happy place?

I like to sit back, take a deep breathe, and realize that life could be a whole lot different. Then I smile, and wave down the server for another extra dirty martini.

Newton's 3rd Law

Growing up we had a strict no swearing policy in the Apitz house. The kibosh was quickly put on anything and everything that even hinted at profanity.

To my mom, who I love dearly, I say A for effort. Every time I stitch the f-bomb in cross stitch I think of you, and how proud you must be of me.

XOXO,

Your Angelic Daughter Shanna

The meaning of love

I thought I would give the Stitch Out Loud masses a little warm up to the quickly approaching Valentine's Day. And what's more inspiring in the realm of lovey-dovey-ness than the 1970 classic Love Story?

Even if you are not familiar with the movie, the plot or the actors, or simply weren't alive when this movie was released - you without a doubt are familiar with the famous quote:

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."

Little did you know this quote came out of editing. Below I submit to you the originally scripted line, recorded forever in cross stitch awesomeness.

My favorite Disney movie

A kick ass coworker of mine, Rich, and I were discussing Disney movies the other day over lunch. (Feel free to laugh and make fun of me here....Lord knows I would). Anyways - Mary Poppins quickly rose to the top as both of our favs.

So...in dedication I submit to you the following. Appropriate for any occasion. (As long as that occasion does not include little kids, great grandparents or crotchety stuffy anti-profanity zealots.)

Rain drops on roses and whiskers on kittens...

...these are a few of my favorite things.

Okay, okay. Vices. Whatevs. Ta-mato, toe-mato.

Bottom line: I have more vices than I can shake a stick at. But here are some of my favs. Naturally...I thought this piece worthy of a Friday post.

For those of you celebrating the birth of Christ this year...

I would love to make one of these as a pre-Christmas gift for for my mom and dad. But then I realized as soon as I were to present them with said gift - they would provide me me a polite courtesy chuckle, an "oh Shanna," then quickly hide it, ensuring that friend nor family could see the profane and lewd work of their daughter.

Maybe next year.

Ho, Ho, Hoe

What's not to love about a big tall dude that travels the world and give you lots of presents?


Available soon at my Etsy shop!

Naughty or Nice?

Usually I'm a COMPLETE angel...but this year I decided to move over to the fun side.

It's the most wonderful time of the year.

That's right...the holiday season rapidly approaches. I have to confess that I'm a total sucker for holiday ambiance so stitched up a couple goodies.

Here's the first for your viewing pleasure:


More to come over the next few days. Cheers!

The Hearting Things Series - #2

As a wise man once said...


You should probably buy this for someone for the upcoming holidays. Just saying.

The Hearting Things Series - #1

Last week a girlfriend of mine asked me if I could help her out with a wedding present. After accepting the "challenge," I thought, hmmm....what will truly capture the magic of marriage, and who can I look to that really kicks ass in matters of the heart? Then it hit me like a ton of bricks - duh, Gob Bluth!

So I borrowed one of my fav Arrested Development moments - and this little gem of a wedding gift was born!



Gob: My God, what is this feeling?
Michael: Well, you know the-the feeling that you’re... that you’re feeling is-is what many of us call “a feeling.”
Gob: But it’s not like envy, or even hungry.
Michael: Could it be love?
Gob: I know what an erection feels like, Michael. No, it’s the opposite. It’s... it’s like my heart is getting hard.

Even Bad Asses Love Stitch Out Loud

As you can see even studly, bad-to-the-bone(rs) like Mr. Fuji need some Stitch Out Loud awesomeness.


This is a picture from a customer of mine. It cracks me up. What else could a pet frog need in his life but a volcano-like water bowl, some mulchy looking stuff, a few flies, a tropical plant, and of course a "Fuck that shit." cross stitch.

Yes.

Thanks C.

The Multifunctional Comeback

Use it any time, any place. It's pretty much perfect.


Face!

A Little Motivation for When You Need It Most

It's Wednesday. Work is busy. Nothing good is on TV. The weekend seems like light years away. Summer is fading. Pay day isn't until next week. And you ran out of coffee again.

Hey Debbie Downer - don't let negativity get the best of you. Remember to make the most of the moment, and to quote Tracy Morgan, "Live every week like it's Shark Week."



Hells-to-the-yeahs.

Fuckstick Friday

This is today's Friday "F" word.

So simple.
So direct.
So awesome.

Now go forth - and rock it this weekend!

I'm no angel...

...because it's simply more fun to be rowdy & mischievous.

Thank you for being a friend.

Let's be frank. The Golden Girls were some hot ass HILARIOUS chickies.

This is my celebration of the loveable Bea Arthur, Betty White, Rue McClanaha and Estelle Getty.



Here's a great "Golden" Moments clip from YouTube for your viewing enjoyment.



I think I've always been a Dorthy...or maybe a Blanche...or maybe a little of both. Which golden girl are you?

If Snoop Dogg was a Grandma...

He'd have gin & juice for breakfast, pot shaped dollies and, of course, this little piece in his entry way.