Woody Allen, Jazz Clarinetist

I never really appreciated or enjoyed Woody Allen until I met my friend Jacob in college. He introduced me to Manhattan, Sleeper, Zelig, Broadway Danny Rose, and Annie Hall. Today, I love (most) Woody Allen flicks. ...Let's just not talk about that Jason Biggs one.

Here are a couple funny quotes for your reading enjoyment.

I think crime pays. The hours are good, you meet a lot of interesting people, you travel a lot.

I'm not saying I didn't enjoy myself, but I didn't.

My brain: it's my second favorite organ.

There's an old joke... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life — full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness — and it's all over much too quickly.

For maximum effect, I recommend the following:

1. Print the above image.
2. Cut a sliver for a mouth hole.
3. Call up a friend or co-worker to assist.
4. Have said friend or co-worker watch while you read the lines thorough the mouth hole on the print out - essentially embodying the real Woody Allen.
5. Enjoy!