Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Hot Stuff

Blond bombshell.

Banging brunette.

These sluts don't have anything on a hot ginger. I have red(ish) hair so this of course includes yours truly - but most definitely excludes Carrot Top, Danny Bonaduce, and any other gingie that looks like (and/or is) a total psycho.


Monday, March 23, 2009

This cross stitch can definately kick your ass.

That's right's right folks, it's one bad ass Chuck Norris cross stitch. It's okay to cringe back in fear - because even in needlepoint he's tough as shiz-nit.

For your reading enjoyment here are a couple AWESOME Norr-dawg facts:
  • When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
  • There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
  • Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Check out the man in action. SUPER KICK!!!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Don't Give a Fuck

It's St. Patrick's Day. {Insert gulp of beer here} Today I have a piece that everyone who is or is not celebrating can {Insert Irish Car Bomb slam here} enjoy.

Be it at work, at home, in your cardboard box - tell those around you how you really feel. {Insert Jameson shot here} Cheers!

NOTE: This line also is extremely appropriate if you wind up drunk later today, and A. Are kicked out of a bar, B. Lose your pants, or C. Or wake up tomorrow next to a fugly.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Manscape! And that's an order.

Fellas - come on. No one's above a little grooming. Your partner will be forever appreciative - promise. Encourage or celebrate your techniques with this little piece of cross stitchery.

Great definition from
A term used to define male grooming below the belt. A male can use both an electric razor or a regular razor. A Mach 3 is preferable with the ladies on the testicular area. No female likes to deal with hairy balls, so men must education themselves on proper manscaping and maintenance techniques.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

My favorite profanity

My fav profanity is hands down, without a doubt the f-bomb.

Here is a little cutie-piece that was actually inspired by a Perez Hilton tweet, proclaiming simply "fuckity." How had a never come across this divine derivative of the word?!? I of course, immediately fell in love with it - hence the hearts and lovey-dovey stuff. Thanks Perez for introducing me to this gem, and thank you for all your trashy gossip that I can't help but obsessively read.

Looooves it.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Bitch, please

Hey! You can't bring that in here...Bitch, please.
Get your hands off my man!...Bitch, please.
I need this report in 10...Bitch, please.
Nobody could ever pull off that pleather jumpsuit...Bitch, please.

So versatile, "Bitch please" is the perfect response to essentially any ludicrous statement uttered by anyone other than yourself at home, school, the office, or simply out on the town.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Fuck Bozo

People are scared of many things...psycho killers, bugs, aliens, ghosts - and even scary, evil clowns. However, my friend Mark isn't. This piece was inspired by one of Mark's tweets in which he proclaimed his preference for the "evil clown." When I read it I went into a fit 'o laughter. I have no idea who he was referring to...fingers crossed it just wasn't John Wayne Gacy. Yikes.

For fun here are a couple classic evil clowns. Courtesy of Wikipedia.
The Joker
Insane Clown Posse
Doink the Clown

Available soon at my Etsy shoppee.

Friday, March 6, 2009

80s Friday!

**Ring, Ring**
Yes, its the 80s calling and I want my mixed tape back.
I said, it's the 80s and I want my mixed tape back!
Sorry pal. It's mine and I'm never gonna give, never gonna give, never gonna give it up.

So at lunch today, good old Lyon's Pub was rocking a plethora of 80s jams. In this spirit I thought I should post this ditty. Hope you like-skis.

Get the pattern to stitch your own mixed tape here.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Are you a dirty bird?

I know I am.

Now if I could only snag cute gent that looks like Alfie. A Jude Law Alfie, not a Michael Cane. Please and Thank you.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Woody Allen, Jazz Clarinetist

I never really appreciated or enjoyed Woody Allen until I met my friend Jacob in college. He introduced me to Manhattan, Sleeper, Zelig, Broadway Danny Rose, and Annie Hall. Today, I love (most) Woody Allen flicks. ...Let's just not talk about that Jason Biggs one.

Here are a couple funny quotes for your reading enjoyment.

I think crime pays. The hours are good, you meet a lot of interesting people, you travel a lot.

I'm not saying I didn't enjoy myself, but I didn't.

My brain: it's my second favorite organ.

There's an old joke... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life — full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness — and it's all over much too quickly.

For maximum effect, I recommend the following:
  1. Print the above image.
  2. Cut a sliver for a mouth hole.
  3. Call up a friend or co-worker to assist.
  4. Have said friend or co-worker watch while you read the lines thorough the mouth hole on the print out - essentially embodying the real Woody Allen.
  5. Enjoy!

Monday, March 2, 2009

Did someone say crackhead?

Amy Winehouse.
Whitney Houston.
Pete Doherty.
Rick James.

Are you or someone you know a C-R-A-C-K-H-E-A-D? If so, then you (or they) need to join the ranks of famous celebs and get this...

Smoke up.